What You Are in The Dark
by SteveElOtaku
Summary: Lollipop Chainsaw fic. After "New Friends and Stranger Companies", Juliet and Swan are a perfect couple-or are they? Just what is the deal with the shadowy jester haunting their nightmares? And has Cordelia found a special someone too?


What You Are in the Dark

Swan lay in his bed at Juliet's place, his mind tossing and turning as much as his body. His mind was split by nightmarish visions. After seeing Juliet dead in 400 different ways, and him broken and defeated, he woke up with a scream.

And Juliet rushed into his room, dressed in white lingerie, hastily pulling on a silk robe. She blushed a bit.

"Swan…baby, are you ok?"

Swan felt his tears running down his face…

"It's always the same, Juliet. The same nightmares, the same tortured sleep…"

He tried to continue but her lips wrapped around his. Slowly, hesitantly, he embraced her. She was warm to the touch, and even his cold dead body felt warm inside. This had to be Heaven. He'd dreamed of moments like this for as long as he could remember.

"Poor baby." Juliet said, running her fingers through Swan's hair. With his makeup off, he looked a lot more vulnerable. How did he put up with it for so long? It was a question she'd often pondered.

Her warm touch was soothing, and it still induced euphoria in him. Swan was unaccustomed to a girl's gentle touch, and now, feeling Juliet's soft fingers trace through his hair was the best damn feeling in the world.

"I used to have nightmares about school bullies, death, and humiliation…those have largely fallen by the wayside. The bullies are either dead or have changed, I've already died, and well…humiliation is bad, sure…but not as bad as what I have nightmares about now."

"And what nightmares do you have now?"

"Nightmares about losing you. Nightmares where one moment I let my guard down and something terrible happens to you. Or nightmares where I kill you. I guess…I'm terrified of either losing you…or becoming what people always said I was."

Juliet let out a little squeak of pity. She climbed over him and kissed him.

"Oh, Swan…you'll never become that. I saw that look in Mercutio's eyes after you spoke to him…I saw the look in your eyes…no look that gentle or caring belongs to a monster."

Swan smiled, his breathing becoming less labored. Strictly speaking, he had no need to breathe…but he did it more or less out of habit.

"Juliet…thank you."

She climbed into the bed beside Swan, and they fell asleep in each other's arms.

The morning soon came, and Juliet woke up with a relaxed sigh.

Swan woke up not long after, rising up like The Undertaker during a Wrestlemania match.

"Good morning, cutie." Juliet smiled, her long hair falling across her shoulders.

"You know, I've never seen you with your hair down before."

"Ugh, it is like, totally such a pain to deal with!"

"It's pretty."

Juliet giggled.

"So what do you want to do today?" Swan asked.

"Well…I could totally go for another movie. But I suppose we'd better check on those lame-o Dark Purveyors."

Swan sighed. She was right. Leave people like Zed alone too long and bad things happened.

Juliet tossed her silk robe over Swan's head.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, sweetie! But I'm going for a shower. No peeking!"

Swan still got an eyeful. The material may as well have been transparent, and Swan was blushing beneath it.

Ten minutes later, Juliet walked out in a towel, her hair still dripping, wrapped around her face and neck. She looked like a sea goddess, Swan thought.

"Ok! It's all yours now."

Swan took a cold shower and quickly dried off, changing into another suit while Juliet was off putting on her own outfit in her room. Pretty soon, Juliet walked out in a pink halter top and denim short shorts, with her hair up in her familiar pigtails.

"How do I look?"

"Drop dead gorgeous would be an understatement."

Swan looked a little anxious.

"I decided to go without makeup. How do I look?"

"I've never really seen you without your makeup…you're even cuter without it!"

He relaxed the moment he heard this.

Just then, loud arguing came from outside the front door.

"Look, are you sure we're in the right place?"

"THIS HAS TO BE THE SLUT'S HOUSE, IT'S GOT SLUT WRITTEN ALL OVER IT."

"Dude…chill…"

Juliet flung the door open.

"What the dick is going on-oh…."

The Dark Purveyors stood on her doorstep.

"TOLD YOU I WAS RIGHT!"

"Shut up, Zed."

Juliet sighed.

"Swaaaan! Your…friends…are here."

Swan walked up to the door.

"Good morning, Zed, Vikke, Mariska, Josey, Lewis...what's up?"

"Brother Swan…uh, something happened…."

"Mariska…"

She sighed.

"Zed kinda…got caught killing squirrels."

Swan facepalmed.

"Zed…YOU COMPLETE IDIOT! CAN YOU NOT BE SOCIOPATHIC FOR JUST ONE MOMENT?!"

Swan just glared.

"Turn yourself in, I'll post bail. Now quickly go, before Juliet chainsaws you."

"HA! AS IF YOU BARBIE-LOOKIN' MPMPHMHMPM"

Vikke stuck a huge chunk of chum in Zed's mouth, gagging him.

"Puny punk should save breath."

Juliet sighed as the Purveyors walked off.

"He totally needs an attitude adjustment."

"I couldn't agree more." Swan added.

There was an awkward silence. What else was there to say? Zed was Zed.

"You were saying about a movie, Juliet? We need to get to my house anyway, and see what the cops are up to."

"Sounds sweet!"

They sped off towards Derleth. Once they arrived at Swan's house, they were greeted by the cops.

"We're just finishing up in the basement. We'll fill you in later."

"It's ok, officer. We were gonna watch a movie first anyway."

They scampered into the living room where they popped open Swan's shelf.

"Is that _Debbie Does Dallas?_"

"It was my dad's! I swear!"

"Suuuure, Swan. I always knew you had a big fetish for cheerleaders."

"Well, I'm dating you, aren't I?"

He found himself thrown to the floor and pinned, as Juliet stole a kiss.

"If you date a cheerleader, you better know what that comes with…"

"I think I like the features already…"

Juliet let him up, laughing. Swan caught his breath, and slipped out a DVD.

"How about _The Return of the Living Dead_?"

Juliet grinned.

As the movie played, Juliet started laughing.

"I think that Zed's totally seen this a few times."

"Lewis too, by the looks of things."

The movie wore on, and Juliet cuddled closer into Swan. It was grim. It was black. But it was a revelation. A piece of art, of subverted Americana. Apple pie with Frankenstein. Good girl, bad guy. But there really wasn't a good or evil dynamic here. Just wounds healing. A broken toy put back together. Swan's face was happy, contented. The makeup had been his symbol; a mask set in defiance and wrath. A mask of death. Now, looking into Juliet's eyes…he lived.

Juliet too, had similar feelings. She really felt like she'd grown up a bit. Not in a superficial way, like sleeping with guys, or drinking tons of booze, or even wearing darker shades of lipstick, but in a very real way. She realized that maybe she'd never really wanted the California fantasy life. She'd wanted to live dangerously, and not in the way her classmates had. She didn't want a bland pretty boy or a drooling macho idiot on her arm, which seemed to be all the town had to offer. And then she realized…the man of her dreams had always been in front of her…it just took her ten years to realize it. She supposed she, like so many others in her town, had let Hollywood, Madison Avenue, and peer pressure make her conform.

The zombie horde overrunning the morgue provided an ironic underscore to her thoughts. She'd nearly blown it, she realized. If she hadn't taken the chance…if she'd just cut Swan in half when he'd shown up at the reunion…she really would have been just as bad as those who'd driven Swan to his rampage. And she could understand now why he'd done it. She'd seen him cry, heard him scream in anguish. She'd seen him afraid, vulnerable. This was someone who was truly human. Monsters didn't cry, from her experience. They had no regrets. Swan regretted half his life. It was time to give him something to live for.

As the credits rolled, Juliet just felt something swell up in her. She grabbed Swan, and held him close.

"Come on, zombie boy. Make out with me."

They locked lips and tongues. Her strawberry-scented lips pushed against Swan's pallid ones, breathing life into him.

The dying sounds of 80s goth-punk rock completed the moment.

After their lips parted, Swan stopped the movie, and opened up a liquor cabinet, pouring some fine wine for the both of them. He blew the dust from a nearby record player and started it up, a dark, noir jazz sound emanating from it.

"Whoa, Swan. Since when are you such a romantic?" Juliet teased.

"Since you first looked my way, baby." He responded, just as coyly.

They sipped the wine quietly, feeling very warm inside.

"Sorry to interrupt the moment, Mr. Swan, but there's something you should see."

An officer had come up holding an old journal.

"This contains notes explaining some very interesting things about the town…to say nothing of a ton of riddles related to the basement. Our officers have given up—if you can solve them, Swan, let us know."

"Will do, officer."

"We're leaving. Anything more suspicious happens, you call us, alright?"

Swan nodded as the police filed out. As the door shut, he turned to Juliet.

"Now, where were we?"

He set this off with a wink and a devil-may-care smirk.

Juliet blew him a kiss, and picked up her wineglass.

Swan raised his glass.

"A toast to our love."

"To our love."

They clinked their glasses together before finishing them.

"Shit. We'd better go post Zed's bail."

This time, Juliet sighed.

"Like, ugh!"

"I know, Juliet, but if we don't, that prison won't be standing much longer."

They drove off, and Swan went in to see Zed, who was gagged.

"I'm here to post his bail."

One officer walked up to Swan.

"Actually, we were just about to let him go. Apparently, he is mentally ill, and he got away from his friends somehow. They're here now, and have come to collect him."

"Good."

Elsewhere…

Cordelia was slumming it in the narrows…

She'd taken a job. It was fairly simple. A minor crime boss had holed up in one the cheap motels. All she had to do was a clean kill.

But in San Romero's slums, nothing is ever that simple.

Cordelia sensed that she'd taken the wrong job when she found two shotguns pointed at her head.

The feeling was immediately confirmed when she saw the crime boss draw a gun of his own.

"Cordelia Starling, we meet at last. A shame this will be such a brief encounter…you have such a pretty face. It'd be a shame to forget it…"

"You might. But an elephant never forgets." Said a dark, husky voice from across the room.

Machine gun fire tore up the room as the gangsters in front of her lost their heads. Taking advantage of the distraction, Cordelia fired two shots into the man's heart.

"Target eliminated."

From the shadows, a tall dark rocker stepped out, reloading his machine gun.

"Nice shootin', Tex."

Cordelia couldn't believe her eyes. Hadn't she seen this guy before? That one night 10 years ago?

"L-Lewis Legend?"

"The one and only."

She gripped her gun tighter, but something kept her from just shooting him.

"Why'd you intervene?"

"It'd be a shame to see such a great shot go to waste."

Cordelia blushed a bit. Her phone rang.

"Hang on one sec, that's my employer, probably. Hello? Yeah, the bastard's dead. It was a trap, by the way. I'm asking double. Fine, one and half times the price then. Bye. Fucking cheapskate."

"A girl like you must be in high demand these days. Seems like everybody wants someone dead."

"It pays the bills."

"You seem to have a knack for trouble. I like that."

"Do you have a point, or are you gonna keep flirting?"

"Well, if you wanna flirt, I can start…"

Cordelia found herself grinning. He wasn't half bad for a zombie…

"How about a quick bite to eat? You like quesadillas?"

"As long as it ain't what Zed likes, I'm fine with it. Let's go."

They walked out of the motel and Cordelia looked at her bike.

"Shit! They cut the brake lines!"

Lewis grinned.

"Don't worry, baby, Elly's got room for two."

She climbed onto Lewis' bike with him.

"Hold tight."

They rocketed off into the night, leaving a flaming trail behind them.

Meanwhile…

Juliet let the alcohol buzz in her head. She started feeling hungry…for love.

"Oh Swaaan…come here…"

Swan recognized the look in her eyes. That was a look that meant trouble.

Swan had become overly fond of trouble.

Not that he had much chance to respond…because he soon found himself on the floor…in Juliet's arms.

"You certainly know how to sweep a guy off his feet." He snarked.

Juliet brushed his messy hair from his face and began kissing him. The wine made his lips bittersweet, and she couldn't wait to taste them…

"Hiya, sis! What are you doin' to Mr. Creepy? Oh, I'm sorry…bad timing? Hee hee hee…"

No one knew quite how to kill a moment like Rosalind Starling.

"Rosalind?! Like, what the dick are you doing here?"

"And how do you know where I live?"

"Wait, how'd you even get here? Your licence has been revoked!"

Rosalind just laughed.

"I hitched a ride in a coffin in the back of a hearse."

There was an awkward silence.

"Silly Mr. Swan, I knew it was your house because it was the creepiest house in town! When I rang the doorbell I thought bats were gonna come out of the attic!"

"Rosalind, why don't you just run on home…"

"Uh, but I had to come. Dad wants to see you, Swan."

"Why is that, Rosalind?"

"He's wondering why Juliet's still at home."

"But that's impossible…I've been with her all day…"

"Like, we need to get home. Right. Now."

They sped home as fast as they could…and found Gideon Starling seemingly fighting his own daughter.

But last any of them checked, spouting tentacles from her throat was not one of Juliet's talents.

"Dad! I'm home!"

"That's nice dear, now get the chainsaw."

"Ok, ugly me thing, taste chainsaw death!"

The hideous monster exploded into sparkles.

Away from this sordid scene, Cordelia and Lewis were eating quesadilla.

Smoke filled the dingy backroom of the Narrows' Mexican restaurant. Amazingly, it had not been shut down by the health inspector. It was a place so tough and sinister that the cockroaches were too scared to go near it. Cordelia had to admit, the place suited Lewis. He had an air of mystery about him, a sort of intriguing machismo that satisfied even the highly exacting standards of Cordelia Starling. After all, as she'd made abundantly clear, she wouldn't settle for just anyone. Back in high school, a guy hit on her the first day. She hit him. There was a mutual understanding from that point on. There was an enchanting smell of hot lead and cordite about the place, over the usual smell of hot oil and tortillas.

"So, kill here often?" Lewis asked.

Cordelia shrugged.

"I get the odd hit down here. I'm pretty much a mercenary. I've got standards though. No kids. No pregnant women. And I always look into my jobs—if I'm being hired to kill a peaceful protester or someone who's trying to do good…no way. I take jobs from the government. But they've had enough black ops agents turn up dead they know to think twice before asking me to get rid of someone bad-mouthing them."

Lewis nodded.

"You don't look like one to mess with. I like girls who aren't afraid to be tough."

Cordelia found herself smiling. For a zombie, he certainly was charming.

"I haven't met anyone like you before…"

"They don't come bigger than me."

They ate their quesadillas calmly, but both of them knew they'd want to see each other again.

Later that night, Juliet and Swan were sleeping.

Sleeping, however, implies rest, which neither of them did. Indeed, they were asleep, but their minds were not at peace.

Silently, a dark figure crept through their minds.

Juliet dreamed that it turned into her, and chained her to a wall as it advanced on Swan.

"Hey, loser! Your punishment is a long time coming, freak!" the thing with her face said in a twisted mockery of her voice, half her and half something unknowable.

Tears stung her eyes. No…she was going to have to watch Swan get hurt, like all those times years ago…

And this time she couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening.

Swan was kicked over and over again, bones breaking.

He tried to crawl over to her, but the…thing…was faster. It put its heel on his neck.

"Enjoy these last few moments, you totally lame, ugly freak."

It jammed a bladed black shadowy tentacle through Swan's skull.

"The dream is dead."

Juliet began to cry even harder.

"Happiness lasts for a moment. Sorrow, for all time. That's a joke I heard once. Isn't it funny?"

Juliet choked out one word: "No…"

"You're mine, Juliet."

Juliet woke up in a cold sweat.

Swan wasn't faring any better in his dream.

He too, had been chained, and forced to watch the figure become him…and advance on Juliet.

"I hate you…I hate you not…I hate you…I hate you not…"

Juliet panicked, but the thing rammed a blade through her and bisected her.

Only shadows poured out.

"I guess I hate you after all. And I hate the world…"

Swan screamed in anger and sorrow.

"Why are you doing this?"

"The dream is dead."

"Dream? What dream?"

"Happiness lasts for a moment. Sorrow, for all time. That's a joke I heard once. Isn't it funny?"

Swan flipped off the shadowy man.

"Fuck you and your jokes!"

It just grabbed Swan by the jaw.

"You will be mine, Swan. You and your delicious hatred…"

Swan woke up, hearing the ragged breathing of Juliet in the next room.

"Juliet!"

The sound of Swan's voice jolted her back to reality.

Swan threw open her door.

"Swan…"

He sat up on the bed beside her and pulled her close.

"Let me guess. Nightmare. I had one too."

"Dark shadowy guy?"

"Yep."

In unison, they spoke.

"I had to watch him kill you."

The words hurt to even speak. Ten years ago, what would have been said? Neither knew. Neither cared to know. It didn't matter. There, in each other's arms, things felt right. It had been a long time coming. But now…neither Swan nor Juliet could stand to lose the other.

What are we when no one is watching? What are we in the dark?

By day, Juliet and Swan had been many things. Cheerleader. Victim. Socialite. Outcast. Hero. Terrorist.

Here tonight, though, they were lovers.

There's a danger with the dark.

Sometimes it looks into you.

What are you in the dark?

What is the dark in you?

Juliet and Swan's dreams had shown them their own darkness...and they were afraid.

Desperate to comfort her, Swan kissed her as gently as he could. The delicate touch of his lips made her shiver. She stuttered as she opened her mouth to speak as Swan pulled away.

"S-Swan…do you think I'm cruel? Or that I could be cruel?"

Swan sighed.

"That thing turned into you, right? It turned into me and acted like a heartless psychopath. The answer is no. You've got too much love in your heart. If you were heartless and cruel…you would have helped Callaghan shove me into that locker that day."

His face grew grim.

"But that's not to say we can let our guard down. This wasn't any ordinary nightmare. I sensed great evil…"

Juliet picked herself up and began gently massaging Swan's shoulders.

"Whatever evil's out there, we'll deal with it. Together." She reassured.

The rain began outside. A hard torrent. Cold. Brutal. Unfeeling.

The world loves a good contrast.

The rain made trouble for Cordelia and Lewis, too.

"Damn rain's too thick to see through." Lewis growled. "I can't take Elly out in the rain if I can't see where I'm goin'. Even flaming wheels don't help blindness."

"What will we do now?" Cordelia asked, dusting off her rifle.

"We can head back to the motel. I have a room so we don't have to share it with a dead Russian gangster."

"Whoa, easy there, I'm not that kind of girl."

"It's ok, I'm not that forward on a first date. So just stay cool, dollface, and let's walk it."

The dingy confines of the motel were at least warm. Lewis' room was pretty much the same as the rest, but it at least had the heat turned up a bit.

"It's cold being dead, to say nothing of the rain outside." He offered for explanation.

Cordelia began to remove her coat.

"Just put it above the heater, there's a hook, it should hold still." Lewis said.

The room was a combination of cheap linoleum and 1970s rec room paneling. A ceiling fan, half its blades missing, turned lazily in the centre of the ceiling. Outside the patched, cracked windows, a storm raged. The curtains were a cheap shade of crimson, and the lighting was about as dim as you could get without being unable to see. Sure, it was cheap. But at the moment, it was what they needed.

"So what brought you down here tonight, Lewis?"

"Zed was being a whiny bitch. Mariska and Josey were too damn high to notice me leave. And Vikke…didn't seem to care either way. So I figured, why not make the most of tonight? I checked into the motel and saw the crime lord, looked like trouble. But I figured when you strolled in here packing a sniper rifle you weren't here to sell cookies."

"I look like that much of a Girl Scout?"

"Cordelia, doll, you have any idea how deadly those girls can be?"

Cordelia laughed.

"You know, Lewis, any guy that calls me doll usually gets a glare. If they're unlucky or stupid enough to push it, I break their fingers. If one of my targets calls me that, I shoot them with something harder. You…you're different. I guess I just can't resist a guy who's just that good with hot lead."

"You think that bit of carny shooting was impressive? You should see what Elly can do."

Cordelia grinned a wicked grin that even Juliet would have a hard time matching.

"I had a feeling you were packing more than just leather and chrome…"

"I am. Take it how you like."

Cordelia burst out laughing.

"Oh, that is dirty! Oh but, damn, you're funny!"

She pointed over at the guitar he'd put in the corner.

"Pretty fancy six-string. Not a standard attachment it's got."

"Fifty calibre machine gun. American lead. Attached through the strings. Spray and play."

"I favour a long range rifle. I've taken to calling it 'Lisa.'"

"Nice name."

Elsewhere…

Zed ran.

It wasn't a familiar sensation.

But he had to keep running. That thing, whatever it was, wasn't human and it wasn't zombie.

It had taken his arm clean off.

There was terror in his eyes.

He ran straight for Juliet's house.

God, he hated having to rely on her…

"VANILLA SLUT! OPEN UP! I'm…scared…."

He collapsed hard against the ground, but not before his mike stand flew away and hit the side of the house.

Juliet and Swan heard the noise.

"Was that…Zed?" Juliet asked.

"Who else calls you that?" Swan replied.

They rushed outside.

The driving rain drenched them in seconds. Juliet's silk robe was toast. Her long hair wrapped around her body, and Swan's hair was a solid black line.

Zed's dignity was shot, too.

"Hey…slut…stop screwing zombie-boy and help me…"

Zed's not screaming, she thought. Something's wrong.

"What happened?" Swan asked.

"I got jumped by a fucking clown!"

"A…clown?" Juliet asked.

"NO, A LITTLE GLASS VIAL! WHAT DO YOU THINK!?"

"Ok, calm down, Zed, just tell us what happened."

"Ok, so I'm walking through the woods alone, cause Vikke's off playing Leif ErFucksson, Lewis is doing God knows what in the Narrows, and Josey and Mariska are fucking wasted, when this shadowy-jester-thing comes out of nowhere and asks if I'd like to hear a joke. I tell him to fuck off before I take his cap and turn it into a condom so whenever I fuck bitches they ring like a Vegas slot machine. Then he says he likes suffering, it's the best joke ever, or some shit, and I agree…then he tears my arm off, ranting about dead dreams. The fuck is going on?"

Juliet's jaw dropped open in shock.

"What? I ain't putting my junk in there, so you can just forget…"

"No, Zed…we had nightmares about a shadowy figure…who now, come to think of it, looked like a jester…and he kept saying 'the dream is dead…'"

"Well, that's fine fucking dandy, but my ARM IS GONE!"

Swan sighed and blasted the stump with some magic.

"If you get the arm back, just stick it there, and I'll reattach it, if not, it will just stop the bleeding."

Zed grumbled.

"You can stay with us…"

"I AIN'T STAYING IN YOUR BARBIE DREAM HOUSE! I'M GOING BACK TO MARISKA! AT LEAST HER WEED IS MORE TOLERABLE THAN YOUR STINKING PERFUME AND SHIT!"

As he stormed off, Juliet and Swan shrugged.

"What now?" Juliet asked.

"We're both soaking wet, dripping, and look like we haven't slept much. Also, we're not really dressed…this is straight out of a romance movie."

"Like totally…"

They just threw up their hands and made out.

They kept making out for about 10 minutes until a lightning bolt near them persuaded them to go inside and dry off.

Inside, Juliet took Swan into the laundry room.

The water dripping off of them made large pools on the floor.

"Well, we totally can't go to bed like this. Give me your clothes." Juliet said.

"Isn't this convenient." Swan snarked.

Wordlessly, he took off his now skin-tight pajamas, making a deliberate show of it to Juliet.

"Oh, who's teasing now?" She giggled.

She grabbed a hot towel and began to dry Swan's hair and body.

Swan stopped shivering as he wrapped another towel around himself and finished off his hair.

He looked at Juliet.

"Your turn."

She smiled, flipping back her hair and removed what little clothing she had, throwing the shredded remains of her robe into a nearby trashcan.

Swan began to dry her.

"Ooh…easy with the hands, boy…you're getting grabby…"

"Don't act like you don't like it…besides, I felt what you were doing drying me off…"

"Is that why the towel isn't sitting flat there…?"

"Wouldn't you like to know…"

As Juliet's hair finished drying, she walked up to Swan, also wearing a towel, and kissed him.

"Thanks for that little treat, hot stuff. Always did like the idea of a towel boy…"

"You just can't resist a good game, can you?"

"Not so long as you're hot…."

They looked longingly at each other when…

"JULIET STARLING! MY FAVOURITE PUPIL! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?"

It was the ghost of Morikawa.

"Sensei! I'm…not dressed properly."

"THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT NOW! Ahem. Sorry. But you are in grave danger!"

"Danger?" Swan asked.

"Yes. From an ancient demon! A sinister CLOWN!"

"We know."

"THIS CLOWN IS PURE EVIL! HE IS PALLIAKOS, THE DARK JESTER!"

"Palliakos?"

"I HAVE NOT MUCH TIME LEFT! GO TO SWAN'S BASEMENT! FIND THE SECRETS! BANISH THE EEEEVIL! OH AND SWAN, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU SCORED BIG!"

"Uh, thanks…Mr. Morikawa."

"FAREWELL! AND BEST OF LUCK!"

He vanished.

Swan blinked.

"I feel kind of violated right now. Like, just a bit."

"Morikawa-sensei was a great teacher, Swan!"

"And a colossal pervert."

"Ok…you kinda have a point."

They laughed and kissed some more.

"So, uh…" Swan began…

She dragged him into her bedroom.

"Welcome to my bedroom. Don't think that me letting you in here is an excuse to try any funny business…not that I have a problem with funny business, especially if you really like the person…"

"Wait…why are you telling me this?"

"Because…"

She whipped off his towel and pushed him onto the bed.

"I'm going to sleep beside you tonight. You can't put the towel back on, and if you get too close to me…well…I might mistake you for Zed."

"The point of this being…?"

"To see if you're a totally awesome and non-pervy boyfriend of course! And if you win I totally will reward you! You lose, however, and…well…you'll have to cheer for me. Like that."

He shuddered.

Swan lay on the bed, not moving a muscle. He didn't dare. Cheering for Juliet…well, that would be kinda hot, in a weirdly kinky way, but still…

He fell asleep. Swan still didn't move. He was actually very good at staying still.

But Juliet was feeling devious.

She yawned, reached, and grabbed at random.

Swan moaned.

"You pervert!" she screamed, smacking him.

"Uh, me? WHO'S GOT THEIR HAND ON MY DICK?"

Juliet blushed. She'd been caught in the act.

"Ok…I cheated…sorry…"

She sighed.

"Close your eyes."

She tied a towel around him again, then removed her towel, and proceeded to cuddle him, massaging him with her whole body.

Swan nearly died. His nerves overloaded with pleasure, and his pain and angst instantly dissipated.

When Juliet had finished he was thoroughly satisfied.

"Oh…Juliet…that was…"

Juliet was giggling.

"Oh wow…like…that was…I can't even…"

"Baby…you lit me up tonight…"

"Mm…I'm so glad you came back…"

"God, we're getting cheesy…"

"I don't even care."

She kissed him.

Soon, though, the night's events and their sheer passion let sleep overwhelm them. They fell asleep in each other's arms, lips whispering sweet words as they slept.

A soft sound could be heard, scarcely audible.

It was laughter, and beneath it, the sound of screaming.

Palliakos had come to play.

And these lovers would make perfect toys….

The Narrows, too, felt wrong.

Well, more wrong than usual at any rate.

Cordelia couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something was up. Not with Lewis, but with the night.

"You're feelin' it too, huh?"

She snapped back to reality hearing Lewis speak.

"Feeling what?" she asked.

"Come on, dollface, don't play dumb. There's evil in the air tonight, and it ain't me for once."

He jerked back in his chair, realizing something.

"Aww, shit…Zed…he's been hurt."

"What, did he push Juliet too far?"

He shook his head.

"This evil in the air…it has something to do with what happened to Zed. Call it a gut feeling."

Cordelia raised an eyebrow.

"You care about what happens to Zed?"

Lewis shrugged.

"Ordinarily, I wouldn't mind seeing that overgrown rooster taken down a peg, he never shuts up. But we're still pretty much brothers, and when something really bad happens….And trust me. Something bad has happened, or is about to."

His statement about "brothers" sent a chill down Cordelia's spine. How were Juliet and Rosalind?

"Lewis?"

"Yes, doll?"

"The rain's stopped. And I have to look for my sisters. I have a feeling that if Zed's in trouble…they could be too."

"Let's ride, then. It's a decent ride to your sister's place. And the other hotel is pretty far too."

Within moments, Cordelia was seated behind Lewis as he gunned the engine of his motorcycle and road off into the dawn.

Back at the house, Swan and Juliet were dressing, and talking.

"Ugh, I totally don't want to sleep again…" Juliet moaned.

"Baby?"

"I kept seeing that damn jester."

Swan shuddered. He too had seen the jester in his dreams.

"You know, Juliet…I really, really, fucking hate clowns."

"You too, huh?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

"When I was six, I had this totally lame clown come over for my birthday party. He was actually a zombie. So I jammed sparklers in his eyes and blew his head apart."

Swan just shook his head.

"I had a clown at my fifth birthday. I'd just seen _Batman Returns _the previous year. I beat the shit out of him. I don't like clowns. Partly because of the movie…and partly because of what they represent to me."

"What do they represent, baby?"

"Something horrifying…they live their lives to be laughed at and humiliated. And they put a big fake smile on their face to entertain the audience. And when they snap…."

Juliet's heart sank and fear gripped her spine.

He'd all but said it.

"I don't like clowns…because I'm so much like one…"

"Swan…don't say that."

"It's true, Juliet! I'm pale as a ghost, and if I suffer, the world laughs!"

Juliet became frightened.

"Swan…"

In fright, she bumped a radio, and a deep tenor rolled from the speakers.

_Recitar! Mentre preso dal delirio,__  
__non so più quel che dico,__  
__e quel che faccio!__  
__Eppur è d'uopo, sforzati!__  
__Bah! Sei tu forse un uom?__  
__Tu se' Pagliaccio!_

"That's weird…my radio isn't set to any classical stations."

Swan checked the dial, and it was firmly set at the local top 40 station.

And then, Swan's eyes began to glow.

"_You heartless bitch!" _he snarled.

The voice coming from his mouth was unmistakably not his own.

"_You do this to all the men in your life! Treat them like toys! Like puppets! You break their hearts, and belittle them because it suits you! What will you do when you tire of stripping me randomly at home? Do it in the street? Make me lick the dirt from your shoes? This is why Nick left! He couldn't stand you…."_

A maniacal clown laugh came from Swan's lips, which were now coated in blood.

Juliet began sobbing.

Then, Swan's body made a sickening crunch as it fell to the ground.

It then rose up again, into the air, glowing from the eyes.

"_He's my toy now, Juliet. Have fun. I know you don't like to share…"_

Swan fell to the ground lifeless.

"Swan! Swan!"

Juliet kept screaming his name, sobbing.

"Give him back, you Krusty the Clown douchebag!"

The door was kicked open.

Cordelia and Lewis stood there.

"Alright, what's going on?" Cordelia demanded.

Swan twitched.

"C-Cordelia…it's inside me…"

Lewis growled.

"Alright, you pussy-ass demon. Show yourself. You're not fooling anyone."

A shadowy jester manifested in front of Swan.

"_Hello, my prey. I have a funny joke for you. What's tall, dark, and all mine? Swan! What's hot, blonde, and not Swan's anymore? Juliet! Everything they've done is for nothing. But I'm not satisfied yet. So I'll let them go for now…until I have need of them…"_

Cordelia glared.

"You won't harm my sister or her boyfriend. Even if he is a whiny bitch sometimes."

Lewis growled at the jester.

"You've got exactly now to leave."

The jester left, throwing Swan to the ground.

Lewis rushed to his side.

"Get up, Marilyn Manson, your doll needs you."

Swan looked into Juliet's teary eyes…

"Juliet, you know I wasn't saying those things, right? It was him…"

Juliet only cried harder.

"B-but it's t-t-true! I'm a t-totally horrible person! Y-you even t-t-told me n-not to treat you like that…and I-I'm such a pervert and jerk!"

Swan kissed her.

"Look, lovebirds, I hate to kill the moment, but Pagliacci's got one hell of a show comin' and we need to stop him." Lewis said, strumming his guitar.

"The basement!" Swan declared.

Everyone stared.

"I mean, my basement! There's codes and stuff, and things! Things to stop Pennywise here from taking over!"

"Indeed there are, son. Let's ride out. Time to stop this powdered punk from bringing the circus to town for good."

Gideon stood there.

"The assassin Palliakos sent disguised as Juliet offered some info when I tore it apart. Come on. Let's ride."

They all sped off for Swan's house. But just as they arrived, Swan stopped.

"Wait, what about Rosalind?"

Gideon tried calling her.

"She's not picking up…wait…"

"_Hello, Gideon! PALLIAKOS IS IN THE HOUSE! And I've got your little girl! We're gonna play games, and have fun! Oh, she screamed. But don't worry…I'll make it all better. Soon she won't be screaming…because her little lungs will have torn apart."_

Gideon growled into the phone.

"Listen hard and listen fast, you Bozo-lookin' motherfucker, I'm going to tear you six ways from Sunday if you so much as breathe heavily in my daughter's direction. We're coming for you."

He hung up angrily.

They stormed into Swan's basement, and flung open the hatch into the room.

That accursed room.

This time, there were skeletons all made up like Rosalind Starling, posed into different horrific fates. Some involved other skeletons. All of them had her screaming.

Gideon roared with anger.

Swan, however, noticed something.

"It's a puzzle. One of these skeletons holds the key we need to move on. The first scene is her…getting boned…we'd be boned if we picked that! Look!"

Indeed, the scene of skeletal violation was linked to a wire…linked to some grenades rigged to drop on them.

"The second scene, she's being cut apart…but it's only part way…a shortcut!"

Swan examined the body, and found a key.

"This should open the next door."

It did.

But as Swan led the way, a gate shut off everyone from him.

"NOOOO!" Juliet screamed.

In that instant the room went black.

Swan stood in the room, illuminated by one lone spotlight.

"Hey, loser!"

"Freak!"

"You're ugly."

"I hate you."

"You should be just as scared as I am."

"No one could ever love you."

The room echoed with taunts.

Swan stood there and did nothing.

Swan was punched across the room. Invisible attackers beat him up, throwing him around like a ragdoll. Blood streamed from his mouth.

Swan got up, and did nothing.

Swan found himself naked.

Swan stood there and did nothing.

Juliet seemed to stand before him and laugh at him, and call him worthless.

Swan stood there and did nothing.

"_Why aren't you breaking?! Why are you still holding on?! They won't forgive you! She doesn't love you! Your friends will abandon you!"_

Swan stood there and did nothing.

"_Say something, goddamnit!" _

Swan just began to laugh.

"_What's so funny?!"_

"You're pathetic. That's what's so funny. Because I know I'm not alone in this room."

"_Don't be ridiculous!"_

"Look in a mirror for ridiculous. True, my friends aren't with me right now. But they're there in my heart. Everything they've ever done for me, every kind word is written there. The past doesn't matter. It's the future that does. There is no fate but what we make. That quote's from a favourite movie of mine. And to quote that series proper, consider your little doppelganger terminated, fucker!"

The Juliet impostor flickered, revealing a skeleton.

Swan punched its head off, destroying it.

The gate came down and the final door swung open.

"It's time to kick ass and chew Pez…and I'm all out of Pez."

Palliakos awaited them in the final room.

It was Schwarzgeist's old lab, full of dark rituals and science. Skulls and candles littered the room, with Rosalind tied to a lethal injection table at the other end of the room.

"_Welcome, foolish mortals! Welcome to the funhouse! It's time you laughed!"_

Lewis drew his guitar.

"I'm not in the mood to clown around, fucker. Let's dance."

Cordelia grimaced.

"You fuck with my sisters, you fuck with me."

Gideon cracked his knuckles.

"No one lays a finger on my daughters. Especially no pedo clown."

Juliet revved her chainsaw.

"You totally killed my beauty sleep, and more importantly, you totally ruined my boyfriend's day! I'm gonna eff you up!"

"_Let's see how you like fighting him!"_

Palliakos tried possessing Swan.

It failed.

"_Inconceivable! How! I AM A LORD OF DARKNESS AND DESPAIR! THIS JOKE OF A MAN SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RESIST ME!"_

"Ho ho ho…Palliakos, you daft fool!"

Morikawa's spirit appeared nearby.

"It is their love that blocks your hatred!"

"_I'll just take Rosalind, then!"_

Rosalind just smirked.

"DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH CIRCUS, DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH AFRO CIRCUS, AFRO CIRCUS, POLKA DOT POLKA DOT POLKA DOT AFRO!" She sang at the top of her lungs.

"_Fuck it, I'll just kill you all!"_

Palliakos merged all the skeletons in the room into one giant of bone and scientific technology, wearing a jester's cap of skin.

"_La commedia is fucking over, bitches! BEHOLD! THE FINAL LEGACY OF SCHWARZGEIST! I AM HIS FAULT! I AM A MONUMENT TO ALL HIS SINS!"_

Lewis glared, and snapped his fingers.

"ELEPHANT ROCK!"

His motorcycle sped up beside him, and turned into its giant elephant mech form.

"Let's let Ellyfant show you how things are done!"

Minigun fire and saw blades slashed off one of the jester's arms.

"JUST WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!"

Zed arrived, with the other Purveyors in tow.

"THIS FUCKER OWES ME AN ARM! WELL, I GOT MY ARM BACK, CLOWN! TIME TO TAKE YOURS!"

Zed slammed his mike through the demon's arm, Vikke cut it off with his axe, and Josey and Mariska blasted the demon's body apart.

Gideon punched its cap off, and Swan shot out one of its eyes, Cordelia shooting the other.

Juliet revved her chainsaw.

"You undead douchebag! BY THE WAY! _IT _was the worst movie I ever saw!"

She carved its skull in half, and at that moment, there was an unearthly shriek.

All fell unconscious.

Some hours later, they awoke outside…to the ghost of a young woman.

"Thank you, friends…the curse I laid on this town is partially lifted…I was wrong to curse it…but the summoning of Palliakos was Schwarzgeist's folly…I merely was enough of a jerk to not do anything…I'm terribly sorry."

Swan spoke up.

"Are you the accused witch?"

"I am indeed. I am in fact, Swan…your ancestor…not directly, but…I believe you know a young man named Mercutio?"

"Yes, what of him?"

"He's my great-great-grandson!"

"So my family isn't all dead…"

Juliet tackled Swan.

"I'm so totally glad you're ok, and that you've got family left!"

She then grew more serious.

"I'm so sorry I disregarded your feelings. It was wrong, especially after what others had done to you. From now on, none of that unless we agree on it mutually."

"NOW HOLD ON! JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER!?" Gideon demanded.

"Uhh…"

"Hey, Dad?" Cordelia asked.

"What is it, dear?"

"I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend…say hello, Lewis."

"Two of my daughters dating zombies…ugh…"

Rosalind piped up in the background.

"Oh, uh…bad time to introduce mine? Say hello, Josey!"

"DAaaAMN! Mr. STArLINg your daughter is one cool cat! Who loves ya, baby!?"

Gideon fainted.

Everybody laughed.

Morikawa's ghost floated over to Swan.

"Well done, Swan! They are talking in heaven about your redemption! CONGRATULATIONS! Keep up the good work and your eternal reward will be great! But alas, I must go. Good luck, emo boy!"

Palliakos may have been vanquished. But the town of Derleth was far from free of the taint of evil…

In the light, it is often easy to forget what makes people human. It's too easy to generalize, to call good and evil out like they were the rule rather than the exception.

In the dark, however, Juliet, Cordelia, and Swan saw clearly.

After all, it's what you are in the dark that counts.


End file.
